How Can I Find Joy and Purpose in What I Do?
For some context, I struggle to stay focused on my work. I often get lost in endless distractions online or find my mind wandering when I try to concentrate, leading to a frustrating cycle of rereading, rewriting, and redoing tasks. During my first year, I had a particularly tough winter quarter that left me exhausted from all-nighters, overwhelmed by stress, and grappling with deep feelings of hopelessness. There were moments when I genuinely wished I wasn’t here anymore. Sophomore year didn’t bring any relief, and this past fall has been an emotional rollercoaster filled with nihilism, tears, self-loathing, and a growing disdain for everything around me.
I’ve been advised multiple times to consider getting tested for ADHD. I suspect I might also be dealing with some form of depression or anxiety, which I am currently addressing through therapy. It’s there that I’ve come to realize my stress often feels extreme—there’s little middle ground. While meditation techniques can help when I’m feeling overwhelmed, I see that I need some motivation or ambition to push myself to get things done. Right now, I’m caught in a cycle of indifference, sometimes wishing to escape everything or completely disengaging to avoid any stress at all.
I’ve been wrestling with these issues for longer than I originally thought. My ability to focus has only deteriorated since quarantine, and my freshman year severely impacted my motivation and ambition. Often, I find myself only mentally invested in short bursts, usually at the worst times (like late at night), and if I don’t finish anything, I generally feel little shame or dissatisfaction—unless a deadline looms, at which point I scramble to get things done. Now, I’m at a point where I’m unsure of what I want to study anymore, switching my major to something I feel least apathetic toward instead of pursuing what truly excites me.
It’s clear you’re going through a lot right now, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Finding happiness and a sense of purpose in what you do can be incredibly challenging, especially when your mental health feels like it’s in a downward spiral. Here are a few suggestions that might help you navigate this situation:
Seek Professional Guidance: Since you’re already attending therapy, continue to explore these feelings with your therapist. They can help identify any potential underlying issues, such as ADHD, depression, or anxiety, and work with you on strategies to manage them.
Break Tasks into Smaller Steps: When you’re feeling overwhelmed, it can be helpful to break your work into smaller, more manageable tasks. This can make it less daunting and help you recognize progress, even in small increments.
Create Structure: Establishing a routine can provide a sense of normalcy and control. Try setting specific times for work, breaks, and self-care. This structure might help counteract the tendency to fall into internet rabbit holes.
Limit Distractions: Since you mentioned struggling with focus due to distractions, consider using tools that limit your online distractions during work times. Techniques like the Pomodoro Technique can help you work in focused bursts.
Find Joy in Exploration: It’s okay not to have everything figured out. Use this time to explore various subjects or fields without the pressure of commitment. Follow what interests you, even if it’s just for fun, and see where it leads.
Connect with Others: Sharing your feelings with friends, family, or support groups can provide comfort and perspective. Sometimes just knowing you’re not alone can alleviate some of that heaviness.
Practice Self-Compassion: It sounds like you’re being very hard on yourself. Allow yourself the grace to struggle and understand that it’s part of the process. Acknowledge your efforts, no matter how small.
Engage in Mindfulness: Incorporating more mindfulness practices into your daily routine can create moments of calm and clarity. Even brief moments of mindfulness throughout the day can help improve focus and reduce anxiety.
Journal Your Thoughts: Writing down your feelings and thoughts can help you process them. It can also clarify what you care about and what truly excites you.
Explore Career Counseling: If you’re uncertain about your major or next steps, consider speaking with a career counselor. They can help you identify your interests and strengths, which might reignite your motivation.
Lastly, don’t hesitate to reach out for support when you need it. It’s okay to seek help and take time to figure things out. You’re not alone in this journey, and things can get better with time and support. Take care of yourself.