Has anyone else experienced a lack of support from their family?
Today, I found myself in a heated argument with my sister, who claimed that I’ve been “lazy.”
To give you some background, I’m 23 years old, currently a junior in college, and living at home with my mom while I prepare to apply to optometry school in the next couple of years. While I’m not currently working, I did take two semesters off after my sophomore year because I needed a car to commute to school.
Unfortunately, my family—especially my sister—seems to think I’m just avoiding responsibility and not trying hard enough. They constantly remind me of this, and we often clash over discussions about my education and how I’m supposedly not contributing to the household finances. However, that’s not entirely accurate; I purchased a car with my own money that my mom now drives, as she hasn’t been able to save for her own since hers broke down about a year ago (though she does seem to prioritize vacations). I also use my savings to buy and cook all of my own meals.
During these arguments, I often hear the same refrain: “Others can handle school and work full-time, so why can’t you? You’re just being lazy and expect everything handed to you.”
But that couldn’t be further from the truth. After finishing high school, I was unsure of my path, so I applied for jobs and ended up working with my mom at a clothing warehouse. If you’ve ever been in a similar situation, you know how challenging those jobs can be. After some time, I realized that I wanted more for myself and decided to take the college route.
I just didn’t realize that my family might see me as a burden.
My mom and brother have put in years of work in warehouse jobs, so they understand the toll such work takes—both mentally and physically. Yet they seem to think that balancing 15+ credit hours in college while working is relatively easy, which feels quite unfair to me.
I wish they could truly grasp what college entails. My mom dropped out during her freshman year of high school, and my siblings didn’t pursue higher education, so they’re unaware of the commitment it requires.
My sister even said to me the other day, “I don’t see why Mom hasn’t kicked you out yet; it’s not like you help.” That comment caught me off guard. I try not to take their words to heart since they’re my family and I love them, but sometimes it really stings. I struggle to understand how she could say that, especially recalling that she moved out at 23 without contributing financially.
Now, I’m feeling guilty. I’m committed to finishing college—dropping out isn’t an option for me—but I’m really frustrated by the constant negativity.
It sounds like you’re dealing with a really tough situation, and it’s completely understandable to feel frustrated and hurt by your family’s lack of support. Pursuing a college education, especially in something as demanding as optometry, is a significant commitment that takes a lot of hard work and dedication. It’s important to remember that everyone’s path is different, and what works for one person may not be feasible for another.
It seems like your family may not fully understand the pressures and responsibilities that come with being a student, especially one who is balancing academic demands with the additional challenges of commuting and making personal sacrifices like taking time off to get a car. Your sister’s comparison to others may come from a place of wanting to motivate you, but it sounds like it’s having the opposite effect.
It’s crucial to acknowledge your efforts and achievements, no matter how they might seem to others. You’re investing in your future, and that’s commendable. If possible, consider having an open conversation with your family about your goals, what you’re experiencing academically, and how their comments impact you. They may not realize how their words are affecting your self-esteem and sense of worth.
Remember, it’s normal to feel guilty or like a burden during challenging times, but it’s essential to identify what’s healthy for you and your future. Pursuing your education and having hopes for a better career is not laziness; it’s ambition. Surround yourself with supportive friends or peers who understand the struggles of being a student, and don’t hesitate to seek help from advisors or counselors at your college if you need additional support.
You’re not alone in this, and it’s okay to advocate for yourself and your needs. Stay focused on your goals, and don’t let negativity overshadow the hard work you’re putting in. You’ve got this!