Navigating Boundaries: Is My Teacher Being Inappropriate?
Hello, everyone! Today, I’m excited to share my first post on this platform. I’m currently enrolled in community college and looking forward to graduating next spring. Up until now, I’ve had positive experiences with my instructors—most of whom have been incredibly supportive, knowledgeable, and often amusing. However, I’d like to discuss one teacher this semester who has left me feeling somewhat perplexed about his behavior.
To give you a little background, I’m a 20-year-old female student, and my instructor is a middle-aged man. I stand at about 5 feet tall, while he appears to be around 8-10 inches taller and has a broader build. The classroom setup is a bit cramped, especially when there’s a full house, and I’ve noticed some interactions that have made me question whether I’m overreacting to his touchy demeanor.
For example, while walking behind me, he often places his hand on my back and shoulders. When he reviews my work, he tends to sit unusually close, minimizing personal space. One day, I wore shorts, revealing a small tattoo near my knee, and he touched it without asking to see if it was real. Additionally, he took it upon himself to feel my arm after I mentioned my job, seemingly checking to see if I had any muscle definition.
What stands out even more is his enthusiastic praise for my work. I’m taking an introductory 3D modeling class with Maya, and despite having no prior experience, I’ve picked it up quite quickly. He often makes jokes about giving me extra assignments if I continue to excel, and he’s even expressed a desire for me to enroll in his advanced course. Interestingly, he awarded me full points for an assignment I intentionally didn’t submit.
I genuinely want to believe that he’s just a touchy person by nature. However, I’ve not observed him behaving similarly with other students, which leaves me uncertain. I plan to reach out to my classmates to gain more insight on their experiences with him.
Update!
I’m happy to share that I took the step to speak with the head of my department this morning, and he was incredibly understanding and supportive. He assured me that he would handle the situation. Thank you to everyone who commented—your support gave me the courage to voice my concerns! If anything arises in the future, he’s ready to assist me further, potentially involving the dean if necessary. Feeling relieved and empowered going forward!
I’d love to hear your thoughts or any similar experiences! Thanks for reading!
First, it’s commendable that you took the initiative to seek advice and ultimately reported your concerns to your department head. This is an important step not only for your own comfort but also for creating a safe learning environment for yourself and your classmates.
From what you’ve described, several behaviors could be considered inappropriate, especially in a teacher-student relationship. While some educators might have a more casual and touchy-feely approach to teaching, boundaries are crucial, particularly concerning personal space and physical contact, especially when it involves physical contact that hasn’t been clearly welcomed.
Here are several insights and advice that may help you reflect on the situation further:
Understanding Professional Boundaries: Teachers occupy positions of authority, and there are ethical expectations regarding their conduct with students. Physical contact can easily lead to misunderstandings or feelings of discomfort. Most professionals in education are aware of these boundaries, and it’s important that those in authority respect the personal space of their students.
Evaluate the Behavior: Pay attention to how your teacher interacts with other students. If you notice that the level of physical contact and personal attention you receive is not extended to others, it could indicate that this is an inappropriate dynamic. Your feelings of discomfort should not be dismissed; they are valid and deserve acknowledgment.
Trust Your Instincts: It sounds like you have a sense of unease regarding his actions, and it’s important to listen to that instinct. If you feel that boundaries are being crossed, it matters less what others might think and more how you feel in that moment. Your comfort and safety should take precedence.
Open Communication: Since you’ve already reported your concerns, consider having an open conversation with your peers (as you’ve mentioned wanting to do). Gathering perspectives from classmates can provide more context; if others share your feelings, it may affirm your concerns. However, be cautious about discussing specifics if it could lead to unnecessary conflict before substantial evidence is gathered.
Keep Records: It may be beneficial to keep a record of incidents that make you uncomfortable, including dates, times, and descriptions. This documentation can be helpful if you feel you need to escalate the situation further or if you want to pursue additional action down the line.
Utilize Resources: In addition to your department head, consider speaking with a counselor at your college. Many institutions have support systems in place for students dealing with uncomfortable situations, and they can provide guidance tailored to your specific needs.
Empower Yourself: You’ve shown incredible strength by addressing the issue, and it’s crucial to continue advocating for yourself and your comfort. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
It’s encouraging to hear that you’ve already taken action and felt supported by your department head. This support can empower you and help create a safer space not only for yourself but potentially for others who may experience similar situations in the future. Keep focusing on your studies and achievements in your modeling class—your skills and talents are what truly matter, and maintaining your comfort and safety is paramount in fostering your learning journey.