Subject: Concerns Regarding Bathroom Break Policy
I want to share my concerns about a recent issue with my 2nd grader’s bathroom breaks at school. My son, who just turned 8, has been struggling with some challenges related to his bathroom access during the school day. At our first parent-teacher conference, his teacher expressed frustration that he asked to go to the bathroom just before she was about to start a presentation, and mentioned he would need to wait for about 10 minutes. Her tone suggested that this was a serious issue.
She explained that the class has designated bathroom times to maintain productivity and that my son needed to adhere to that schedule. While I understand this policy, I don’t agree with restricting bathroom access, and I requested that she allow him to go when he needs to.
As a parent of four, I can appreciate that managing bathroom breaks for 20 kids can be tricky. However, my son is introverted and has been dealing with bullying this year, with only one friend to confide in. He doesn’t ask to leave for frivolous reasons; he’s also neurodivergent and sometimes struggles to recognize the need to go until it becomes urgent.
Sadly, today I found out he soiled his pants at school because he asked to use the bathroom outside of the scheduled time and was denied. He had to sit in his own urine for half the day, which I can only imagine made his bullying situation worse. To make matters worse, I wasn’t informed about this incident via phone call or email.
I am looking for advice on how to address this with his teacher effectively. I want to be respectful and constructive in my approach, acknowledging that I’m not a teacher myself, though I do have a background in behavioral science and child development. While I see the merit in a bathroom policy in general, enforcing it so strictly on young children feels outdated to me.
As his mother, I’m understandably upset about this situation, but I want to handle it thoughtfully. Any suggestions on how to communicate this with his teacher would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
I’m really sorry to hear about what your son has gone through—that’s truly distressing. It’s understandable to feel angry and concerned, especially knowing he has AuDHD and the challenges that come with it.
When approaching the teacher, it might be beneficial to start by expressing appreciation for her efforts in managing the classroom and recognizing the need for structure. Then, you could share your perspective on your son’s situation, emphasizing his unique needs and the impact of being denied bathroom access in a moment of urgency.
It could be helpful to mention that bathroom breaks are a basic necessity for all children, especially for those who may not recognize the need to go until it becomes urgent. You might suggest discussing ways to accommodate individual needs within the framework of group bathroom breaks. This might include instating a more flexible policy for those who might have special circumstances or needs.
Furthermore, it’s essential to address the communication issue. It’s reasonable to request that you be informed in cases where your son has had an accident. This not only keeps you in the loop but also allows you to support him better at home.
You could also suggest a meeting or a plan that includes the school counselor or special education staff if necessary, to ensure they have strategies in place to support your son not just academically but also emotionally, especially with the bullying he’s experiencing.
Ultimately, you want to approach it as a collaborative effort to find solutions that prioritize your child’s well-being while still respecting the teacher’s need to manage the classroom effectively. Best of luck, and I hope you can foster a constructive dialogue that leads to positive changes for your son.