What should I do about my friend who keeps failing an exam necessary for graduation?
For some background, both my friend (17M) and I (17M) are high school students in New York. The English Regents exam consists of 24 multiple-choice questions, an argumentative essay, and a text analysis. Last January, I took the exam and passed, along with many of my classmates. Unfortunately, my friend did not. As a result, he was placed in a remedial English class to prepare for a retake in June. However, he didn’t pass then either, nor did he pass in August. His final opportunity to take it was this January, but he failed again.
Passing the English Regents is crucial for graduation, especially since he has an IEP and only needs a minimum score of 55. If he doesn’t pass this June, he risks being held back and graduating with the class of 2026, which he really wants to avoid. The frustrating part is that he refuses to study. Tired of seeing others mock him for his repeated failures, I impulsively offered to help him even though I’ve never tutored anyone before.
He was on board and seems willing when he shows up, but the problem is that he often skips our sessions to hang out and plays games instead of practicing reading, which I suggested for improving his comprehension. While I’ve stressed the importance of dedicating himself to his studies to avoid being held back, it’s frustrating to see him prioritize fun over preparing for the regents. I understand I can’t control his actions, and I have my own classes and responsibilities to manage, so it’s been tough to balance everything.
Should I let go of trying to help him, even if it means he might get held back? Or am I handling this the wrong way, and should I motivate him to be more focused on his studies?
It sounds like you’re in a tough situation, and it’s commendable that you care about your friend’s success. Here are some things to consider as you navigate this:
Respect His Agency: Ultimately, your friend needs to want to pass the exam for himself. While it’s great that you’ve offered your help, if he’s not motivated to study, there may not be much you can do. It’s important to respect his autonomy and decisions, even if they seem unwise.
Encourage, Don’t Push: Instead of trying to convince him to be more studious, perhaps you could encourage him by finding out what kind of support he really needs. Maybe he doesn’t understand the material, or perhaps he’s facing other challenges that are making it hard for him to focus. A supportive, understanding approach might help him feel more open to studying.
Set Boundaries: Since you have your own classes and responsibilities, it’s okay to set limits on how much time and effort you can invest in helping him. You could establish a few dedicated study sessions each week, but make it clear that there are times when your own schoolwork takes precedence.
Explore Alternatives: Suggest that he consider other resources, such as tutoring programs at school, or online resources that he might be more inclined to use. Sometimes, a different perspective or method of learning can make a huge difference.
Emotional Support: Some of his reluctance to study might be due to anxiety or feelings of inadequacy. Offer to be there for him emotionally, if that’s something he needs. Just having someone who believes in him can make a big difference.
Let Him Know You Care: Express that you want to see him succeed, but also that it’s ultimately his responsibility. Sometimes, making it clear that you have faith in his abilities can motivate him to take charge of his own learning.
If he does end up being held back, it’s important to remember that this is his journey and not a reflection of your friendship or support. Sometimes, setbacks can lead to growth and new motivations. Whatever the outcome, make sure you’re also taking care of yourself in the process.