How to Tell My Dorm Roommate I’m Moving Out?
Hey everyone! I could really use some advice on how to approach my dorm roommate about my decision to move out. I’m transferring to another dorm because I can’t handle the situation anymore. Despite setting clear boundaries and rules for our living arrangement—and her agreeing to them—she’s repeatedly broken those promises. I’ve come to realize she’s not the person I thought she was when we first met.
To put it simply, she’s messy, inconsiderate, and quite oblivious. Whenever there’s an issue between us, there’s no discussion; it just turns into an awkward silence, and I’m always the one who has to initiate a conversation about her behavior.
The latest incident was particularly concerning: she snuck her boyfriend into our dorm while I was asleep. I’d previously told her I wasn’t comfortable with that, but I woke up to find him in bed with her — she tried to hide it, but there was no mistaking the situation. It made me really uncomfortable, especially after learning from my RA that he’s much older than us, which raised additional concerns. After confronting them, my RA had to report the incident since it violated several residence policies.
This is just one example of the many issues we’ve had. I’m at a loss for how to communicate that I’m leaving. I don’t want to ghost her, especially since we might have classes together in the future, but I also feel the need to express how her actions have affected me. She seems completely unaware of the impact her behavior has had.
Does anyone have tips on how to handle this conversation?
It sounds like you’re in a really tough situation, and it’s great that you’re considering having an honest conversation with your roommate instead of just ghosting her. Here are some tips on how to approach this conversation:
Choose the Right Time and Place: Find a calm environment where both of you can talk without interruptions. Make sure it’s a good moment when neither of you is stressed or rushed.
Be Honest but Kind: Start by expressing your feelings honestly. You could say something like, “I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed living in this space, and I think it’s important to be open about my reasons for moving.”
Focus on Your Needs: Rather than focusing on her shortcomings, frame the conversation around your needs and feelings. For example, you might say, “I’ve realized that I need a different living situation to feel comfortable and focused on my studies.”
Acknowledge Shared Experiences: It might help to acknowledge the good times you’ve had too, even if they were few. This can soften the edge of your message.
Be Direct About Your Decision: Clearly state that you’ve decided to move out. You might say something like, “I’ve made the decision to transfer to another dorm because I think it’s the best choice for my well-being.”
Leave Room for Questions: After you share your decision, allow her to respond. She might have questions or want to contest what you’ve said; try to remain calm and listen to her perspective.
Discuss Logistics: If you’re comfortable, discuss the logistics of the move. Set a timeline for when you plan to move out, and that might include cleaning up shared spaces or what to do with shared items.
Consider Writing a Note: If you really feel uncomfortable having a direct conversation, writing a note might be an alternative. Just be sure to express your feelings clearly and kindly.
Stay Professional: Since you may see her in class, try to maintain a level of professionalism moving forward. Keep future interactions brief and cordial.
Seek Support: If you’re nervous about the conversation, consider seeking support from a trusted friend or your RA for advice on how to proceed.
Ultimately, the goal is to communicate your decision firmly but respectfully, while also being honest about your feelings. Good luck, and remember that prioritizing your mental health is important!