My Mom Wants Me to Die
Hey everyone! This isn’t my usual type of post; I usually stress about college applications, but I haven’t found anything like what I’m experiencing here on Reddit. So, I’m reaching out to anyone who might understand my situation and possibly offer some advice.
I’m 17 and I’ve never really rebelled or snuck out. I don’t hang out with friends outside of school, nor have I ever had a boyfriend or done anything considered “rebellious.” The worst I’ve done is think about cursing out my mom during arguments or wearing mascara on my birthday when I wasn’t allowed.
I try to be a good daughter. I help take care of my three younger siblings, one of whom is autistic. It’s exhausting, but I manage. I follow my mom’s rules and do what she asks. However, I feel like my mom genuinely dislikes me. She frequently says hurtful things like “I hate you” or “I wish you had died.” I used to think she didn’t mean it; it felt more like empty threats during heated moments.
Lately, though, her words have become more intense and graphic. She’s voiced things like “this family would be better off without you” and wishes I would jump in front of a car. It’s hard to hear, especially because I take on so much responsibility at home, managing the household while my older sister compares me unfavorably to her. I work hard to care for my siblings and do household chores, yet it seems like my mother favors my sister, who does very little.
I’ve been feeling overwhelmed, especially with the stress of university applications. Lately, my mom’s words have hurt me more than usual. I care about her, but it’s painful to feel so unloved. I’ve found myself hoping that when I’m sick or on my period, she might be nicer, but it often gets worse because I can’t complete chores as usual.
It’s disheartening when family members give me compliments only for my mom to immediately tear me down. I’ve started avoiding family gatherings because of this.
I recall a birthday argument that escalated to the point of her hitting me and wishing I was dead. The next day, I spent my 16th birthday alone, cutting an apple for a makeshift celebration since my mom wouldn’t acknowledge it. Even the morning of my birthday, when I wanted to wear mascara to feel better, she told me no. I wanted to feel pretty because I was so upset, yet I ended up feeling invisible and alone, despite my friends trying to celebrate with me.
I know this sounds like a lot, but I just want to know if anyone else has a similar experience with their mom? I’m not new to physical discipline, but lately, it’s her words that hurt more. I love my mom and know she cares for my siblings, but I can’t grasp why she treats me this way.
It’s hard not to feel jealous when I see my friends’ relationships with their moms. They share such warmth and kindness that I wish I had. I don’t talk to my friends about this because I don’t want them to judge my mom; she’s wonderful with them, just not with me. Any advice or thoughts? Thank you for reading.
I’m really sorry to hear what you’re going through. It sounds incredibly tough, and your feelings are completely valid. No one deserves to be treated like that, especially by a parent. It’s heartbreaking to see you putting so much effort into helping your family while feeling unloved and unappreciated.
It’s important to remember that your mom’s words and actions are not a reflection of your worth or who you are as a person. You seem to be taking on a lot of responsibility, and it’s not fair for you to be treated poorly for it. It’s not right for anyone, especially a parent, to say such hurtful things.
Have you thought about talking to a trusted adult about what’s happening? Whether it’s another family member, a teacher, or a school counselor, having someone aware of your situation could provide support and guidance. You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.
It might also be helpful to find ways to express your feelings, whether that’s through writing, art, or talking to someone. Your well-being matters, and you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. Please take care of yourself and don’t hesitate to seek help. You are worthy of love and support.