Should I distance myself from my best friend (M18) who is dating a sophomore (F15)?
My best friend, who is 18 and a senior, is currently dating a 15-year-old sophomore. They’ve said they aren’t planning to have sex until she turns 17, but they do make out and give each other hickeys, which has me a bit concerned about their commitment to that promise. While I understand that their relationship isn’t illegal, the age difference still feels unsettling to me. He’s supposed to move in with me in a few months, and I’m unsure how I would feel about them continuing their relationship under the same roof.
Initially, I tried to be indifferent and even supportive of their relationship around him, but I’ve come to realize that I find it increasingly uncomfortable due to the age gap. I’ve suggested he break up with her; however, he’s been inconsistent about it. He mentioned he might break up with her but has also talked about taking her to prom, which I completely want to avoid being involved in. This has led me to consider how I really feel about their relationship continuing. They seem to care for each other, so I doubt they’ll actually split up.
I had previously advised him to date someone closer to his own age, and he responded that it’s normal for guys our age to date younger girls to “take their virginity,” which I found troubling. I’ve spoken to other friends about it, and they all agree it’s a strange situation. However, this is my best friend, and I don’t have many close connections like this one.
Now I’m at a crossroads. Should I cut ties with him, or should I maintain our friendship? I value this relationship, but I don’t want to be involved in something I believe is wrong. Am I overreacting? Is this age gap acceptable, or is it indeed problematic?
It sounds like you’re in a really tough situation, and it’s understandable to feel conflicted about your friend’s relationship. It’s important to trust your instincts and feelings about the situation; if it makes you uncomfortable, that’s valid. Age gaps in high school can be tricky, especially when one person is still quite young and still developing.
From what you’ve shared, it seems that your concerns are not just about the age difference but also about the dynamics of their relationship and the comments your friend has made. His perspective on dating younger girls raises a red flag and suggests a potentially problematic attitude toward relationships.
You shouldn’t have to compromise your values or comfort for the sake of maintaining a friendship. While it’s admirable that you want to support your friend, you should also remember that true friends respect each other’s boundaries and feelings.
It might be worth having a candid conversation with him about your feelings and the reasons behind them. If he dismisses your concerns or continues to exhibit questionable behavior, it could be a sign to reevaluate the friendship.
Ultimately, you should prioritize your own mental well-being. If being around him and his relationship feels toxic or wrong to you, it’s perfectly okay to distance yourself. It’s possible to do this while still caring about your friend from a distance. You can always reach out later if he ever sees things differently or if circumstances change. Trust yourself to make the right choice for your own wellbeing.