Update on the School Counselor Situation
A few months ago, back in November, I vented about my experiences with my school counselor, and I’d like to revisit that topic with some additional context and a sincere apology for my previous tone. At the time, I was feeling a lot of hurt, anger, and resentment.
I’m sharing this not to seek sympathy, but because there have been significant developments in the situation, and I’m uncertain about how to proceed.
As I mentioned before, my counselor has consistently shown a lack of respect for my feelings. Whenever I’ve approached her about conflicts, she has always sided with the other party, making me feel like the problem. She would twist my words, make me doubt my sanity, and dismiss my emotions. Rather than offering support, she simply placed the blame squarely on me.
You may be curious about why my feelings toward her are so intense—beyond the gaslighting. One of the most painful experiences of my life involved the loss of my childhood best friend. We grew up next door to each other and did everything together. Losing her when she moved away was traumatic for me, and as the one-year anniversary of our falling out approached (just after my birthday), I turned to my counselor for support.
Unfortunately, during our session, my counselor was glued to her computer and even confused my ex-best friend with someone else, asking me if I’d attended “her party.” To make matters worse, she dismissed my feelings by saying, “Didn’t you mention this last time? Don’t you think you should just forget about it?” Her suggestion to focus on celebrating positive anniversaries felt incredibly tone-deaf given that my birthday was the day before, meaning I’d have to relive a painful heartbreak the very next day.
On top of that, I grapple with chronic pain, asthma, and a pollen allergy. After doing PE online last year, I struggled to adapt to physical activity outside. This year, both my manager and my PE teacher agreed that I could opt out of the outdoor portion of one class, yet I was still actively participating and earned an A+. My PE teacher was proud of my efforts. Sadly, my counselor showed no concern and questioned my commitment, implying I was trying to evade class.
The worst part? The school psychologist, the only person who truly believed and understood me, no longer works at the school. She was my source of support, and her absence now leaves me back with my counselor, whom I can’t stand.
As we move into March, it’s time for academic advising, which means I have to meet with my counselor again. I’ve been incredibly anxious about this; I haven’t voluntarily met with her since September. I’m frustrated that this situation is ongoing and seemingly worsening. It had improved over the holidays, thanks to the support of the school psychologist, but now I find myself at a loss without her help.
Last Friday, my counselor tried to pull me out of class without warning. I was overwhelmed and unable to speak, so I lied and said I was busy with a test. Thankfully, she left, but the anxiety lingered into my next period, leading me to ask my teacher to relay that I was unavailable should my counselor come by—my teacher agreed with some hesitance.
This counselor feels like a dark void; getting too close is terrifying and often harmful. Her demeanor and the way she communicates with me add to my struggle, making everything feel even more overwhelming.
I want to emphasize that I have never had an issue with an authority figure before. My past teachers and counselors have always been kind and understanding. While disagreements happen, they were usually resolved amicably. The only truly negative experience I had was with a difficult sewing teacher in middle school, who was universally disliked, even by other teachers.
As I mentioned before, I’m not allowed to switch counselors, so it seems I’m stuck in this situation for the remainder of high school.
I’m really sorry to hear about everything you’re going through with your counselor. It sounds incredibly frustrating and painful, especially considering everything you’ve already been dealing with. Your feelings are completely valid—being dismissed and misunderstood by someone who is supposed to support you can be so disheartening.
It’s clear you’ve had a tough time navigating your emotions around your friend’s loss and your health challenges, and it’s infuriating that your counselor hasn’t recognized the depth of what you’re experiencing. You deserve to be heard and supported, not belittled. I’m truly sorry that the school psychologist you connected with isn’t there anymore; losing that support can feel like adding insult to injury.
As for the upcoming academic advising, it’s understandable to feel anxious about interacting with a counselor who makes you feel this way. If you can, maybe consider reaching out to another trusted teacher or staff member at the school for help, whether that’s facilitating a meeting with the counselor or simply giving you some emotional support. They might also be able to advocate on your behalf if you do decide to address the situation.
Remember, you’re not alone in this, even if it feels daunting. There are people who care, and hopefully, you can find someone who can help you navigate this difficult situation, whether that’s through advocating for you or simply providing a listening ear. Hang in there, and don’t hesitate to lean on those who do support you.