28, returning to college, feeling out of place
Hey everyone,
I started my college journey at 19, thinking I had it all figured out. School had never been demanding for me, so I assumed I was just naturally gifted, despite my teachers noting my tendency to get easily distracted.
Unfortunately, my first two years took a turn for the worse. I got wrapped up in some serious issues, including substance use, which derailed my early twenties. The combination of feeling unhappy and struggling with coursework led me to drop out of university for about two years.
When I returned two years ago, I faced the harsh reality that I couldn’t navigate this on my own. I realized my distractions, irritability, and procrastination were bigger challenges than I’d admitted. While I can achieve good grades when focused, maintaining that focus is tough. After seeking help from a psychologist and various psychiatrists, I was diagnosed with ADHD(-C). I’m now on medication, and while it helps, that’s not the focus of this post.
I’m majoring in economics, which I find interesting, but I’m feeling burned out after nearly seven years in school. I enjoy some subjects, but many I’ve already covered. I’m only two classes away from graduating: X in the current term and Y in the next. The sunk cost fallacy is certainly weighing on me as I question my path.
Subject Y in particular feels incredibly daunting for various reasons I won’t get into.
Balancing school with mental health issues is tough. On top of that, my parents are aging, and I don’t have my own place even though I have a partner I see regularly. I feel overwhelmed, as if I’m not quite measuring up.
Finding the motivation to study is challenging. I have a final exam on March 12 for an easier course and a retake on April 26. Honestly, I’m exhausted. Deep down, I know I want to help others, but the pressure to chase after money has taken over.
I don’t really enjoy macroeconomics; I’d rather dive into fiction, listen to music, dabble in math (even though I struggle with it), watch movies, or exercise. But I’m too far committed now—my only options are to graduate or face the three-strikes rule that means I could be kicked out.
If this sounds like rambling, I apologize. I’m starting to understand what it really means to be an adult. My back aches from hours spent staring at screens and books. Hyperfocus isn’t something I can just summon at will. My partner and family are supportive, but I still find it tough to cope.
P.S. On a positive note, my faculty has granted me 50% extra time on exams due to my diagnosis and has provided some additional support. Still, I’m unsure how to move forward. I wanted to talk to my lecturer or postdoc during office hours, but I hesitate to take up her time.
Hey there,
First of all, I want to acknowledge how brave you are for sharing your journey. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, and it’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and out of place at times. Returning to college after such a significant break, especially while managing ADHD and other challenges, is no small feat.
It’s great to hear that you’ve sought help and are receiving the support you need; that’s a key step in navigating through tough times. It’s also good that your faculty has recognized your situation and granted you extra time—every bit of support helps.
As for feeling overwhelmed or unsure about how to move forward, it might be helpful to break things down into smaller, more manageable steps. Instead of tackling everything at once, focus on the subject at hand. Set small, achievable goals, like dedicating a specific amount of time each day to studying or breaking down readings into shorter sections. Celebrate those small victories—you deserve it!
It’s completely okay not to enjoy every part of your major. Many people find their passions change, and that exploration is completely valid. You have interests outside of economics, and it’s important to nurture them too. You might find that integrating your interests, like fiction, music, or math, into your studies could help revive your motivation.
As for meeting with your lecturer, don’t hesitate to reach out. Professors often appreciate when students take the initiative to seek help. You’re not taking time away; you’re seeking guidance that could ultimately enhance your understanding of the subject, which is beneficial for both you and them. They’re there to help you succeed.
Lastly, as you navigate this journey, be kind to yourself. It’s okay to feel unsure and tired. Remember that you’re not alone in feeling out of place. Many students face similar struggles, and it’s a part of the growth process. You’ve made it this far, and that in itself is something to be proud of. Keep pushing through, and don’t hesitate to lean on your support system when you need to.
Take care of yourself, and I wish you all the best in your studies!