Title: Freshman Concern: Feeling Harassed by a Senior—Advice Needed
I’m a freshman and I’m increasingly worried that a senior has been harassing me. What should I do?
Here’s some background: I first met this senior in our 6th period gym class. Initially, we had classes together three times a week, but thanks to a schedule change after the first semester, I now only see him twice a week, which has been a relief.
Earlier this year, we became acquaintances. I needed someone approachable to say hi to and have brief conversations with, especially since transitioning from a small private middle school to a much larger public high school has been tough for me socially. We got paired up in gym class one day, exchanged names, and since then, we’ve been casually acknowledging each other in the hallways.
However, things are feeling increasingly uncomfortable. As the year has progressed, he’s become very fixated on saying hello to me. He’s stopped speaking and now just approaches me until I notice him, at which point I awkwardly wave and try to quickly move on. Initially, it felt harmless, but now it feels a bit overwhelming.
Outside of gym class, I only see him occasionally—maybe once or twice a day. But on gym days, he looms around while I wait outside the locker room. One day, he literally stood over me while I was on my phone until I looked up and waved, after which he left.
Today was particularly unsettling. In the courtyard, I stood in line for an activity and noticed he lined up right behind me. This has become a pattern; he seems to want to follow me to every activity. For instance, last time I walked around the gym, he trailed me the entire time.
When I was at the courtyard playing tennis with some friends, he fixated on me and my friend even commented that he “couldn’t take his eyes off me” and was “looking me up and down.”
I’m not sure if I’m reading too much into this. Maybe he just wants friends or is trying to make a connection, but I don’t want to be friends with him. His behavior genuinely creeps me out. I’ve also made it clear that I have a partner and care about them, yet he continues to seek my attention.
Is he just looking for a platonic friendship, or is this harassment? Should I talk to an adult at school and potentially escalate the situation, or tell my parents? Am I overreacting? I’m at a loss about what to do, and even my partner, who is also a freshman, feels unsure of how to help.
For reference, I’m 14 and female. Any advice would be appreciated!
I’m really sorry to hear that you’re experiencing this—it’s understandably distressing. Based on what you’ve described, it does sound like his behavior is crossing boundaries and making you uncomfortable. This isn’t something you should have to deal with alone, and it’s important to prioritize your feelings and safety in this situation.
Trust Your Instincts: If you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, it’s valid to take those feelings seriously. You don’t have to justify your discomfort; it’s okay to stand your ground.
Set Clear Boundaries: If you feel safe doing so, you might try to assert your boundaries directly. You could say something like, “I appreciate the friendly greetings, but I really prefer to keep to myself.” However, this isn’t necessary if you don’t feel comfortable addressing him directly.
Talk to Someone You Trust: It could really help to talk to a teacher, counselor, or another trusted adult at school about what you’re experiencing. They can provide guidance and help you figure out next steps. Reporting the behavior doesn’t mean you have to escalate it into a huge issue; sometimes just having someone aware of the situation can make you feel safer.
Involve Your Parents: It might be a good idea to talk to your parents about what’s going on. They can provide support and help you navigate this situation.
Document the Behavior: Keep track of specific instances that make you uncomfortable, like dates and what happened. This information can be helpful if you decide to report it.
Remember, you deserve to feel safe and comfortable at school. No one should feel pressured to interact with someone who makes them uncomfortable, and it’s okay to seek help when you need it. Take care of yourself, and don’t hesitate to reach out for support.