I’m really struggling with my motivation to study, and it’s frustrating. At 15, I find myself enjoying games, studying, indulging in my passion for metal and rock, and occasionally engaging in sports, though I could stand to lose a bit of weight. I’m also dealing with a porn addiction that I’m trying to overcome. Here in Czechia, there are specialized high schools you can enter at 11 if you pass the entrance exams, which I did—I’m smart enough for school, but I often feel dumb.
Lately, I’ve been feeling anxious about my future. I care deeply about where my life is headed. I aspire to study economics and dream of being a great father one day, as well as a good person overall. In three and a half years, I’ll face the “maturita,” a crucial exam at the end of high school. You have to take Czech and can choose a couple of additional subjects. I’m leaning toward English, Maths, and French. I believe I’m decent at English (I hope my writing reflects that!), but Maths will be challenging for me, and while French seems pointless, I find it a bit amusing. After maturita, I plan to attend university. While I’d love to study economics, I also have a backup plan of becoming a teacher for English and Maths/French, which I think I would enjoy, despite the fact that teaching isn’t the most lucrative career.
But what I really want to express is that I often feel inadequate and that I’m not putting in enough effort. My self-esteem is pretty low, and my addiction complicates things further. I’m also taking traditional dance classes, where I dance with a girl I like but lack the courage to make a move. Music has become my escape from reality. In my downtime, I tell myself constantly, “You should study.”
And of course, puberty is throwing me for a loop. I feel like I should be more masculine, but there are nights when all I want is to be embraced and held tightly.
Thanks for allowing me to share this, and I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read it. Any feedback is welcome, and if I’m just being overly dramatic, please tell me directly! I really do dislike self-pity, even though I’m good at falling into that trap.
And a shout-out to all the Marilyn Manson fans out there!
Hey there! First off, it’s really brave of you to share your feelings and concerns. You’re going through a lot right now—balancing school, interests, and the pressures of growing up can be overwhelming. It’s completely normal to feel anxious about your future and to struggle with motivation at times, especially as a teenager.
It’s great that you have goals, like wanting to study economics and becoming a good father. That shows you care about your future and the kind of person you want to be. Remember, it’s okay to take things one step at a time. Focusing on small, achievable goals can make studying feel less daunting. Maybe set up a study schedule that allows for breaks and rewards after you complete tasks—it can boost your motivation.
As for feeling low sometimes, a lot of people go through that, especially during puberty. It’s perfectly fine to want affection and support; that desire doesn’t make you any less manly. Embracing your emotions is strong too!
About the dancing and that girl—taking small steps can help. Start with casual conversations. You’ll never know how she feels unless you try.
And remember, it’s okay to ask for help if you’re feeling overwhelmed, whether it’s from friends, family, or a professional. You’re not alone in this—you’ve got a lot of potential, and acknowledging your struggles is a brave first step. Keep working on your goals, surround yourself with positivity, and don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re doing better than you think!
Lastly, don’t hesitate to lean into your music; it can be a powerful form of expression. Keep being you, and take it one day at a time. Shout out to you for seeking growth! 🎸